I’ll let you judge for yourself with this epic video involving Jack Sparrow and more.

- “Just don’t think i’ll stop by and thank you personally, buddy.”

Hm. Interesting.

Who could it be?

We have TWO interviews lined up for the great re-opening? What a nice talk it was, though. But…who…could it…be?

Anyone? Really, anyone knows?

But there’s always something new, something more fun. A lot of really ‘rad’ things came by, be it on wheels or springs or engines, it can always be better.

For example, check out what these guys did with their best Bro’s, their awesome dogs.

Dogboarding from DANIELS on Vimeo.

We are back in ultimate bro-ness. There was a time that the servers could not handle the amount of bro this site contained, but we got Chuck Norris to fix the servers with a roundhouse kick so the bitches won’t be a bother anymore.

For all you newcomers, lets get something straight, though. A Bro isn’t a dumb ass muscle bound beer drinking asshole, no,  that’s just a small part of it. Read up on what a TRUE BRO is, right here.

So. You must be like. Brolex. What’s up, Bro? What’s next on the list?

Well, we got a shitload of stuff, but also of course your dose of Bro, be it from awesome finds in this world, to epic vids in the Brovids section.

Beside that, we’ll be a portal to keep you updated what is Bro these days, and what is not. Can I say we got a interview with Norman Reedus lined up to be posted? Yes we can! If you are bored at work, Epicbrofist. If you had a epic meal, Epicbrofist. Just had sex with your lady friend(s), Epicbrofist.

Now get the fuck out there and rock!

I know, I know. Keep cool, keep cool. We all know her music is laughable, as she sings about every day things. We know this, bro. But isn’t that what it is really about? Every day things? You rather want to hear sluts singing how their are brushing their teeth with jack D when they wake up? How they like kissing other girls and just doing any Bro around? Is that what you prefer over the mandatory TRUTHFUL daily things?

Granted, that sounds very luring. But you just can’t compete on the serious problems life offers such as choosing if you rather want to sit in the front seat or in the back seat. It’s tough, but this girl is living it up and doing the best she can. Now we got that out of the way, check these parodies out that makes it suddenly a lot more Bro.

But what about an actor only pretending to be a superhero? Not to long ago we talked to you about the Broadway show – Spiderman: Turn off the Dark. Now, while this may leave you scratching your head, wait until you hear this.

An actor in the show took a nasty fall while performing one of the stunts that the show required, he fell from upwards of twenty feet… Yeah, read that again, 20, twenty! The actor broke several ribs, messed up his back and cracked his head. He has had to undergo back surgery and is still recovering in the hospital… and he wants to return to the show.

Now, we have all heard them say “The Show Must Go On” (Break a Leg would also work in this case), but I have to hand it, this bro went above and beyond his call of duty. He has the makings and determination of a hero. Nothing but the best for Spiderman, and for this, I extend to you the Brofist!

Tis the season… for blood.

Christmas can be a hectic time. In all the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season, we often forget to take stock of the things that really matter. The sappy and maudlin cocktail of friends and family fogs our vision and dulls our wits, and as we become shit-faced drunk with such dough-eyed notions as “good will” and “peace on earth” we grow increasingly numb to the painful sensation of the twelve-foot candy-cane that is taking us from behind and reducing our assholes to  little more than bloody pulps. We get distracted by the Feel Good words of the holidays, so much so that we suddenly find ourselves willing to turn a blind eye to even the most heinous of atrocities and vile iniquities.

Bros of the world, it’s time for us to take a stand. Not for the rampant yuletide debauchery or sentimental depravity of the holidays that reduces us to the cognitive level of Twilight fans, but for logic, reason, and justice. Now is the hour when we shall unite as one beneath the banner Brodom and stem the tide of churning darkness which seeps forth from the North Pole like a festering plague. It is there, Bros, that our enemy awaits us. There, beyond the fathomless and frozen depths of the Arctic Ocean and seated upon a throne of bone and blood resides a foe unlike any other, an abomination spewed forth from the black loins of Hell itself to spread misery and suffering across the Earth. His reign is absolute, a looming colossus of oppression and tyranny which envelopes all creation each and every Christmas Eve, the unspeakable horrors which he unleashes upon the world having become widely accepted as an annual tradition. So terrible is his fury and so dark is his glory that even the mightiest of nations buckle with fear within his wake, the rulers of entire civilizations forced to their knees in a suffocating mixture of terror and awe.

Search your feelings and look into the depths of your soul. Set aside the horror and trepidation which grips at your heart and let the light of reason illuminate the Truth. See beyond the huddled masses who cower and grovel about his feet, pay no heed to anthems and carols which they belch forth for fear of the sting of his whip!

The moment has come. The time is now.

Bros, stand fast and gaze upon the face of catastrophe. Behold our foe and do not fear! HIS REIGN OF TERROR ENDS NOW.

That’s right, you potbellied, gluttonous fuck. We’re coming for YOU.

His names are legion: Santa Clause. Chris Kringle. Saint Nicholas. SAINT Nicholas? What would this swollen scoundrel have us call him next? GOD?

It wouldn’t be much of a stretch, considering that the Elves already refer to him as “Master”. It’s amazing how keen we all are to simply ignore the THE COMPLETE ENSLAVEMENT AND SUBJUGATION OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING RACE. But people don’t care. So long as they receive their blood-soaked toys from Clause every Christmas morning (a bribe if I’ve ever heard of one), they seem quite ready and willing to feign naivety. They pay no heed to the starving and beaten Elf who forged the trinket, the battered and shivering thrall whose hands became calloused, gnarled, and torn just so that you could receive your blood money. The Corruption of Kringle is truly the stuff of legend when you consider that the grease-soaked jelly-belly seems to have the entire world in his pocket.

“Questioning the infallibility of Santa’s rule, are we, Heretic? Take knife-ears here to the stockade!”

For too long have the Elves been bartered and sold as though they were no more than simple property. For too long have their insufferably high-pitched and prepubescent wails for rescue gone unanswered. These pathetic, broken, and trembling two-foot-nothing laborers are herded into work camps and forced to slave away around the clock until they either wither from hunger or expire from the cold. Have you ever heard of USSR dictator Joseph Stalin’s hellish labor camps in Siberia, a frozen wasteland just slightly South of the North Pole? I shit you not, Clause and Stalin (arguably two of the most tyrannical dictators the world has ever seen) were once next-door-fucking-neighbors. But as my history Bros who are reading this article are already well aware; Kringle’s reign precedes his soviet neighbor’s by several hundred years.

Could it be possible that jolly old Saint Nicholas was actually Stalin’s… role model? Or perhaps even… mentor?

He sees you when you’re sleeping…

Give that little limerick some time to sink in. You recognize it, don’t you? It’s an excerpt from a piece of particularly famous propaganda entitled Santa Clause is Coming to Town, or as Bros within the Anti-Kringle resistance movement have come to call it, A Sleigh Full of Slaughter. The lyrics of the work are particularly disturbing, describing (in detail) Clause’s process of selecting which children have been “naughty” enough to make his “list”. What sick and twisted designs he has in store for those unfortunate souls who find their names upon his bloody scroll is uncertain, but the wording of a particular verse within the song certainly seems to imply that their fate is dark indeed:

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

Is this haunting tune an anthem of obedience to Clause or a desperate, last-ditch attempt to warn the children of the world to beware of his insatiable lust without arousing his suspicions along with his South Pole? If it is an alert, parents across the globe fail to heed it in slews. Like mindless peons they march to their nearest shopping mall and offer their annual sacrifice to Kringle in the form of their own flesh and blood. Their children are quickly stripped from them by the most devious and sinister of Santa’s helpers (Elves who turned on their own in exchange for positions of power) before being forced to sit upon the heavyset pedofile’s lap and endure his black-hearted mockery.

“What do you want for Christmas? I asked for twins, HO HO HO!“

That laugh. That hair-raising, spine-crawling, mind-melting laugh. The next time you hear a “Ho, Ho, Ho!” you’d better say “No, No, No!” and head for the fucking hills. I recommend seeking asylum anywhere that offers dense foliage or anything else that can shield you from being spotted from above, given that Kringle will no doubt pursue you from the sky at the head of his reindeer fleet (which he spawned in a fashion similar to when Saruman bred the Uruk-Hai in The Lord of the Rings).

Luckily, the only force in this world that is greater than his perverse sexual desires is the fat fuck’s indomitable appetite. When he terrorizes every last homestead in the world on Christmas Eve (Yes, EVERY house, his bloodlust is non-denominational) he will spare the sanity of your children in exchange for a cup of milk and a handful of cookies. My family was forced to learn this lesson the hard way as we watched my elder brother Brian being bound, gagged, and thrown into a burlap sack filled with other minors before being carted away in the back of Kringle’s sleigh of nightmares.

He was never heard from again.

“Next time there’d better be some ginger bread!”

If the atrocities that have been cited here do not disgust or outrage you then you must be morally bankrupt. This revolting blob of excess cellulite is the epitome of all that is sick and wrong yet is worshipped the world over by entire congregations of indoctrinated and subservient minions. Villainy made corporeal stares us dead in the eye every December the 24th and cackles maniacally as, time and time again, he escapes from his crime spree unscathed.

But no more.

Bros, join me tonight as I camp out in front of my chimney with my Boomstick in hand. Cover the fireplace in barbed wire and be ready to light that mother fucker the instant that you catch even the slightest glimpse Kringle’s big, red ass.

It’s time for justice to be served.

It’s time for evil to to get what’s coming to it.

It’s time to take back Christmas.